Well, are you gonna cry about it, or boss up?
I’m actually still working on that first one.
This week to date, has been the worst week of my life. Nothing compares to the heartbreak that I have felt this week and the grieving of loss that I am going through right now. I’m honestly still trying to process everything that has happened and trying to accept the inevitable future of what I may be up against for the rest of the year when it comes to my running.
I’ve talked about it on Strava this week and I only just got back on social media yesterday to put it out there to the world. Not because I want any pity, but I could really benefit from the prayers right now. Not just in the healing of my body, but that my mind and mental health can survive this personal tragedy. Yes I said tragedy, roll your eyes if you need to but if you’re a runner, you know exactly what I’m talking about…
A week ago today, was likely the last long run that I will be doing for a really long time. I’m only 33 years old, but an MRI and x-ray confirmed my worst fear when I started experiencing undeniable pain while running last weekend. I have broken my pelvis and I have other soft tissue injuries all due to really high mileage, not enough recovery and insufficiency in my fueling/nutrition. Here I was, sleepy smiles about to take off on a group run with Matt last Sunday, completely unaware that the stinging "discomfort" I was feeling in my back leg, wasn't from an unstretched muscle, but from a bone that was slowly breaking.
I made it a good 5 miles before the pain was too much to handle and I realized I still had another 4 miles left to get back to the car. I didn't have my cell phone on me to call Matt, so I had to slow jog 4 miles on a fracture to get to the car. I'm only guessing, it was at mile 5 when the pain became unbearable that it was at that point that my bone had broken. Honestly, how many people can say they've ran miles on a broken bone? lol kind of bad ass if I can give myself ANY credit at all right now.. and here it is, a fractured pelvic rami.
I’m not allowed to walk for more than what’s necessary, driving is limited, and of course, that means no exercise for at least a few more weeks until I’m out of the window of danger of this fracture turning into something worse. Right now it’s just a stress fracture which means it’s not officially “broken” but if I’m not careful, that could change. Nothing weight bearing is allowed until we’re back from vacation at least, and any weight training must be seated. The fracture looks small, but I can feel it when I stand up. It doesn’t “hurt” but there’s a weird pressure that the doc said is where the bone is fractured but that should begin subsiding as my body heals.
I am not allowed to do any running at all for the month of July and August. By my follow up in September, Dr. Moreno will decide if I should be cleared to run Chicago. I can't even tell you how much I've cried about this...like I'm a dang adult, I shouldn't be this upset, but I am. I'm very lost right now and still trying to process all of how everything I love has changed so much in the span of a week.
I know I live a life of a lot of privilege and truly I’m very blessed, so it seems silly to say that I’m grieving, or this week has caused me so much emotional pain. But running is the best part of my day, always has been, and has been a huge part of my life in the many zigzags that life brings. It’s always been there, at the start of the day while the world is still asleep or at the end of the day to wash away the stress of whatever life has thrown at me. Knowing I don’t have that to lean on for a few months now hurts more than anything I’ve experienced so far (there’s my privilege again lol) As my orthopedic surgeon coined it when I was in his office yesterday “I have a harder time telling a runner they can’t run, than telling some people they have cancer.” His words not mine lol but I get it. Knowing that I won’t be having anymore weekend runs while watching the sunrise for a long time hurts. No more electrolyte drink walks with Matt to gripe about our morning splits and talk run strategy for many weeks is soul sucking. And no more group runs with my running friends, for a good while at least is like burying a part of me :( I'm being dramatic...but some people are addicted to drugs, I'm addicted to running.
My little reflection space (blog) is going to look quite different for a while during these first few weeks especially. I'm praying that God will shine through this and He can show me the purpose behind this personal tragedy at some point, my heart will need a long time to heal from this.
Stay tuned for more ramblings and content of me picking up the pieces of my broken heart.
This week to date, has been the worst week of my life. Nothing compares to the heartbreak that I have felt this week and the grieving of loss that I am going through right now. I’m honestly still trying to process everything that has happened and trying to accept the inevitable future of what I may be up against for the rest of the year when it comes to my running.
I’ve talked about it on Strava this week and I only just got back on social media yesterday to put it out there to the world. Not because I want any pity, but I could really benefit from the prayers right now. Not just in the healing of my body, but that my mind and mental health can survive this personal tragedy. Yes I said tragedy, roll your eyes if you need to but if you’re a runner, you know exactly what I’m talking about…
A week ago today, was likely the last long run that I will be doing for a really long time. I’m only 33 years old, but an MRI and x-ray confirmed my worst fear when I started experiencing undeniable pain while running last weekend. I have broken my pelvis and I have other soft tissue injuries all due to really high mileage, not enough recovery and insufficiency in my fueling/nutrition. Here I was, sleepy smiles about to take off on a group run with Matt last Sunday, completely unaware that the stinging "discomfort" I was feeling in my back leg, wasn't from an unstretched muscle, but from a bone that was slowly breaking.
I am not allowed to do any running at all for the month of July and August. By my follow up in September, Dr. Moreno will decide if I should be cleared to run Chicago. I can't even tell you how much I've cried about this...like I'm a dang adult, I shouldn't be this upset, but I am. I'm very lost right now and still trying to process all of how everything I love has changed so much in the span of a week.
I know I live a life of a lot of privilege and truly I’m very blessed, so it seems silly to say that I’m grieving, or this week has caused me so much emotional pain. But running is the best part of my day, always has been, and has been a huge part of my life in the many zigzags that life brings. It’s always been there, at the start of the day while the world is still asleep or at the end of the day to wash away the stress of whatever life has thrown at me. Knowing I don’t have that to lean on for a few months now hurts more than anything I’ve experienced so far (there’s my privilege again lol) As my orthopedic surgeon coined it when I was in his office yesterday “I have a harder time telling a runner they can’t run, than telling some people they have cancer.” His words not mine lol but I get it. Knowing that I won’t be having anymore weekend runs while watching the sunrise for a long time hurts. No more electrolyte drink walks with Matt to gripe about our morning splits and talk run strategy for many weeks is soul sucking. And no more group runs with my running friends, for a good while at least is like burying a part of me :( I'm being dramatic...but some people are addicted to drugs, I'm addicted to running.
Stay tuned for more ramblings and content of me picking up the pieces of my broken heart.
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